For the last few days I have been reminiscing.
Not really living in the moment, I’ve literally been remembering what I was doing — in finite detail — a year ago.
‘Ooh! Just think… This time last year I was being admitted to hospital!’
‘This time last year we were in the theatre and I was being given a spinal block…’ Gulp.
‘Blimey. Just think. This time last year our babies had just been born.’ *eyes filling with tears*
And on and on…
These memories are so vivid – so lucid – that I can even conjure up the same thoughts and emotions that I was feeling at the time. As though they were indelibly imprinted on my very being.
Which, I guess, they were.
The events surrounding your birth, form the single most important milestone in my life since I got married, thirteen years ago.
The birth of our long awaited sons. The babies who we yearned for, for so many years.
You… our beautiful boys.
I have been writing this diary to you since I was 17 weeks pregnant and, now we’ve come to the end of the first year, as a family of four, I am going to have these digital pages printed and made into a book — a physical, hard copy — so that when you are older, you’ll be able to read all about the lead up to your birth and your first twelve months on earth.
As time goes on, it’s easy to forget things that have happened, but I wanted you to know just what an impact you’ve had on our lives and for your first birthday present, I couldn’t think of a better gift.
You are growing into such beautiful little men.
I love watching you, when you don’t know I’m there… I stand in the doorway for ages and watch how you play and plot with each other. How you chat, in your strange little language. How you laugh and are so amused by each other’s antics.
You are such good company for each other. I feel utterly blessed that you came as a double act, and I am your mother. I’m so proud of you.
I have taken a pic of you both on the same day, of each month, since you were born. Today we celebrated your first birthday and I have been looking at this little set of photos and marvelling at how much you’ve grown — and changed — in just a year.
I’m feeling quite emotional, thinking back to the day you were born. Two little scraps — weighing just over 5lb each — and I’m feeling totally awed by the gorgeous little men you’re turning into.
Happy birthday my darling Twinkles.
I love you — and your daddy — more than I can say. The three of you make my life a joy.
Forever, your mama X