73 weeks and 2 days | Goodbye, I love you

Darling Widger,

I’m lying here with Kiri, thinking of you.

We are all going to miss you so, so much. Words cannot express how sad I feel, at your loss.

To see you today — after you’d been missing for 24 hours — was magical. Until I saw your poor feet and legs.

I have never seen an animal alive, but so mangled. I couldn’t believe that you were in such good spirits when you saw me. Your face said it all; if an animal could talk, you’d have said: ‘I’m so glad to see you – thank fuck you’re here’.

We thought hoped we’d managed to get to you in time. We thought hoped you were going to be OK.

So now, as I lie thinking of you and wishing, with my whole being, that you were still here, I cannot believe that you’ve gone. And we’re never going to see you again.

Our beautiful furry faced child.

My rock, when things were fraught and scary. You’ve seen me through the worst of times and the best of times.

Through devastating losses, when I held on to you, as my heart was breaking. Then after the arrival of our much wanted babies, when I clung to you for comfort and normality.

When everyone said we wouldn’t love you as much, when the Twinkles arrived — as though we wouldn’t have enough love spare for you and Kiri — you made everything feel safe and normal. When things were strange and new, I buried my face in your soft fur and you made everything OK.

My beautiful, special, furry faced child.

I have spent a quarter of my whole life in your company. I cannot begin to express how much you meant to me. And just how much I’ll miss you.

Rest in peace.

I will love you forever and always.IMG_6575.JPG





12 thoughts on “73 weeks and 2 days | Goodbye, I love you

  1. In floods of tears for you. I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine losing my baby bengals. I hate knowing it’ll be inevitable one day. Like you, mine were my first babies and have been through all sorts of heart break, sad times, happy times and lots of change. Sending hugs. Xxxxx

    • Thanks Kat — it’s been a terrible few days. Oddly, I wrote this letter for Widger on Saturday, after we’d had him put to sleep. Just writing it all down made me feel a bit better. He was such a happy, gentle cat. He loved our home and our garden and he loved being outside. He also knew how much we loved him and although his passing was much too soon — and senseless — we were with him at the end.

  2. I am so, so sorry for your loss. This is so upsetting, it must be so tough :( We lost our dog last year due to a brain tumour and honestly I was beyond devastated. He was my substitute baby (the baby I couldn’t have) for years. He made us so happy. I was gutted. Still am. Hope you feel better soon and those pictures are adorable x x

    • Aah thank you so much for your lovely words. Widger was our baby; granted he had a furry face and a furry body, but we loved him just as much as our human babies. I can’t quite put into words, just how much he meant to us, and how much we’ll miss him X

    • Thanks Erica – it was awful. I wish I could get the image, of when I first found him, out of my head. To see my beautiful, strong, healthy boy in such a terrible state was gut wrenching. It was almost better to see him on the vet’s table. It will take a long time to get over this, that’s for sure x

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